Saturday, May 07, 2005

Junkie in the trailer

So how was *he* sure he was sick? He didn't want coffee in the morning, and the lovely eau de garlic that I wear like a sleeve repulsed him. The garlic aversion? I can somewhat understand that. But coffee? Not CRAVING a hot cuppa morning noon and night? That was a sure sign for me. When he told me that, I immediately started scouting a doc.

I laughed yesterday. I didn't realize how much his being sick had affected me; we have been in a parallel universe where he spends All Day Long in bed (were this *my* parallel universe, I'd call it "pregnant") and I snap at the kids All Day Long. Yesterday, after downing 2 Ensures (he ended the day with FOUR Ensures) he began to come out of his coma of pain. I was able to joke with him and laugh. It sounded so foreign to me; my laugh, that I realized I've been somewhat stressed. And that explains why, in a world of vacation, on the beach, I'm stressed.

Last night I was up til 2 or 3am reading The Big Yellow House. I have a new love. She is simply amazing with words and her kids do so many of the same things as mine, I no longer feel like such a failure. I went WAY back to the beginning of her archives and did not manage to get to bed until 3am. At the beginning of her archives I thought, "well, she has SEVEN children, I'm *sure* they go to school" only to find that not only does she homeschool; she UNschools. To a certain point, I gather. I have always tried to aim for non-coercive parenting, but I think it is either impossible or terribly un-realistic in a large family. I've also been comforted by her screaming toddler, because that is Ellen. She has turned from opinionated to SCREAMING, TANTRUMING 3yo seemingly overnight. I remember this with Sissy; I don't know why I thought Ellen would skip it just because we're traveling in Mexico. Her boys are very much like mine also (minus a "twin" set) and it is so nice to see that they are not aberrations.

So Jamie is better; I get to learn to shoot him up this morning, Ellen is "normal", the boys are, well, boys and I can see the light. No, it is not an oncoming truck. They don't use headlights in Mexico. :)

No comments: